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The World

The world is an evil place…I feel sorry for everyone who enters it. Every small thing makes a huge difference. Small things people do, small things they say to you. These things can make or break someones day. We need to be more careful, because no one is anymore. Everyone thinks that life is short and you only live once, so live it to the fullest. Yeah thats true but we gotta have some sincerity and care about others once in a while. I mean what happened to every good deed comes back to you? 

My whole world is turning upside down. Every time a series of events happens, I don’t know how to deal with it and everything seems unfair. Every little thing adds up to this big confusion and a wave of many emotions mostly anger. So I’m please asking whoever is reading this to consider things you say to others and think twice about if that comment might affects someones whole day…or even life. That one thing you say could be that little push someone needed to end their life, and you’ll never know.

xox

I have so many thoughts….I think too much…sometimes I just wanna give up. Every day is a battle. I didn’t think I’d go back to these ways but I’m fighting through it. I get thoughts every single day…silly ones and every single day I have to sit myself down and think about how far I’ve come. How I’ve pulled through and not done anything stupid, how even though I think they won’t…people might miss me and how my future will be better. I keep thinking I can’t do it anymore…but I have to pull through…I can change things and I will be proud of myself in the end…hopefully. Idk whats going on…maybe its just the person I am, but I’ve lost everyones trust recently. No matter how hard I try things are never gonna go back to the way they were. What can you do if someone hate you?

People don’t like me for the way I am…that’s their problem…if they just get to know me a bit better they might see more to me…if they just gave me a chance. Ik I put up a front sometimes. I try not to cry in front of them…I show anger when I’m hurting inside…and I hate myself for hurting others….which brings me back to why I don’t deserve anything…I don’t deserve this life…I don’t deserve to be in this world. But alhamdulillah Allah has blessed me with so much, and all I can do is thank him at the end of the day and pull through it. I need to pull myself together and get my life back on track. People may never look at me the same but life goes on…and I hope that one day I can gain their trust and friendship again. We’re only human..it’s okay to mess up sometimes. 

My parents think I’ve lost it and completely parted from religion…but what I do is between me and Allah…and at the end of the day if I still have that love for god in my heart I can’t go wrong…right? I’ve been through a lot….more than some people think and I don’t need to be told what to do and how to live life. This is my life and I’ll live it the way I want to, because I’m not the same person as everyone else. I am myself. If you can’t deal with that…well it’s your problem, but everyones different and you’ve got to stop judging and give people a chance, which is what I’m trying to do. If I go to hell it’s my own fault…not yours. Please stop telling me what to do and accept me for WHO I AM. This is me…and it hurts that my own family can’t accept me for who I am. I may not be perfect but I’ve given up trying to please everyone, because I realised that no matter how hard I try you’re never going to be satisfied. That’s all there is to it. 

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